Wednesday, 28 October 2015
I've pondered this before, about my 'luck' in encountering Desteni and within this, I sometimes think to myself "What if I didn't do what I did to encounter Desteni, where would I Be without Desteni. I AM SO LUCKY to know of Desteni. What if I didn't play that game, what if I didn't speak to that ONE particular person..?" And so on. Because, that is how I did discover Desteni, playing an online game with other human users, basically chatting/meeting people. That is exactly how it happened. And this person informed me of Desteni. Thousands of people play that game daily, but it just so happened that they and I began conversing...and then.....Desteni came into conversation.
Of course, I'm MEGA glad that this did happen! Most people, most Destonians first got introduced to Desteni through Youtube. So, my means weren't exactly 'appropriate' in the sense of discovering it for myself sort of thing, I mean, at the same time though, I can't discover something that I don't know exists. I mean, in regards to Youtube, how many videos/information is on there, so much. And there are other self-help groups and such out there, but the one that is legitimate and real is Desteni.
Anyway, so I sometimes think to myself "What if.." and 'counting my luck'. Was it luck though? Is luck real? It's not real. Luck isn't real. I just thought now of like, if someone goes to do an exam, and another says to them "Good luck!" It's of course not down to luck. Yes, it's another phrase we say without investigating the phrase at all, but there you go. Luck doesn't have anything to do with whether one passes/fails, gets a certain grade. No. Study does. How much one studies, how much one puts in, to get out. The determination of one. Those real things.
So, when I look at my situation. Because, I see it in terms of there were so many people playing this game, and they and I Just happened to chat to eachother. Obviously, if I wasn't playing the game that day, at that specific time, and if I didn't talk/or that person talk to me, then I doubt I'd know of Desteni. So, that wasn't down to luck. I logged into the game, to meet people as I do/did. I went to a particular place in the game to meet people. They and I got talking somehow, and the rest is history. So, and, it doesn't matter that it was NOT down to my OWN self-investigation. Actually as I said that, I realised that it was down to my own self-invesitgation in terms of DECIDING to INVESTIGATE Desteni after HEARING about it. So yes, in that sense, I made a direct decision to investigate Desteni and so here I am now.
But I of course didn't find it 'through just myself/own means'. Does that matter though? No. Whatever way I found Desteni, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to that person I spoke to, I'm thankful to myself. It doesn't matter how discovery works within and as method. If it works, no matter how long it takes/what route is taken, then that is all that matters, right? I got there in the end, yes I took a different route than might be 'per usual' but now I'm here. I'm a Destonian. And that is ALL that matters.
Tuesday, 27 October 2015
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realise and understand that this is always a true reason/intention for asking something, and it's never just 'curiosity' - that being information for the sake of information.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use the misleading reply of "Just curious" when someone asks me why I wanted to know of something in particular.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I SHOULD have a clear REASON for wanting information from something/another, and so it's never just 'curiosity'.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I'm asking a question of something/another from the starting point of something genuine such as care/consideration/assistance/support, then I should be able to clearly define why I wanted to know/the exact and direct reason/answer/reply as to my want of knowing such information.
So, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to in the past when using the term "Just curious" - to not investigate the actual meaning behind my asking this question, and only temporarily looking at it within an emotion/feeling as my starting point of wanting to know something, lying to myself/another through saying "Just curious" and then never looking into why I wanted to truly know this information/why I didn't want to be upfront about it to myself/another.
When and as I see myself in a position of wanting to know of something via something/another, I stop and breathe. I realise that before doing anything, I must cross-check/reference with my physical self first, to make sure this want of information is from the starting point of something real/necessary/substantial, as opposed to the want of information within and as feelings/emotions and so some type of 'bad' intention. I commit myself to then ask the question/get the information that I want, and if asked WHY I wanted to know this information by something/another, I should be able to then explain clearly within valid reason as to why I wanted to know this information, and so skip the "Just curious" statement.
Monday, 26 October 2015
I've used this statement after gathering information from another, and then when they reply to me asking why I wanted to know of this information, I'd say "Just curious". But, what I see now is, it's not just 'plain' curiosity here, and that there is in fact always a reason/underlying intention as to why I wanted to KNOW of this information in the first place. "Just curious" is just a cop out, a way of not stating my true purpose/reason as to knowing this information.
Example: Speaking to a friend of my ex partner. "So, is she dating anyone currently?" Reply: "Yes, she's dating someone else, why do you ask, why does it matter?" Me replying: "Just curious." But really, there's a reason as to why I wanted to know whether my ex partner was dating another person/someone else. There is SOMETHING underlying this want to know this information, and it's up to me to find out why. Do I still have feelings for this ex partner of mine? Am I in some type of competition with her to find a new partner faster than she can? Do I have any negative tinged intentions aimed at her new partner, if she has one?
But, can I ask this same question for purposes strictly of conversation/caring of another? Yes, I can. But in this case, it shouldn't be a matter then of 'Just curious' - it should be one of being direct/upfront, such as.."Cool, just wondering how she is, as I haven't spoken to her for a long time, glad to know she's well/found a new partner, thanks for the update." You know, something like that. But, there's always something behind 'curiosity' - even when we don't want to admit it to another/ourselves.
The dictionary definition is "eager to know or learn something." But, what is the WHY to this eagerness to know or learn something? There has to be a reason for it. Otherwise it's just pointless information, for the sake of knowing something, but then doing nothing with it.
So, I see it as important to make sure any questions I ask are from a clear/stable starting point of something good, importance/conversation/caring/assistance - as opposed to questions of emotion, of feeling, of beliefs, of ill intentions, you know? Because in reality, if I'm asking questions from a stable starting point, then I should be able to say the WHY as to me wanting to know this information, as opposed to just curiosity.
More to come.
Sunday, 25 October 2015
I was talking to someone yesterday, and the subject of hope came up. This person found it odd that hope was something I saw no use in. I brought up an example of hope in regards to someone that I know/close to me who could die. As in like, someone who is currently in hospital for instance, and the outcome is an uncertain one, whether they live or die. Yes, I can hope for their survival/life, but in doing so, I use time/focus within and as hope, and that can lead to general tiredness and such. But all in all, is me hoping REALLY going to be the deciding factor, or ANY deciding factor as to whether one lives or dies? No.
I can relate though, in wanting this hope to be real..
I hoped God was real. I hoped my prayers would be answered constantly - they never were, at the time I was surprised, now I am not. No divine intervention was going to assist me or answer my prayers. Hope doesn't do anything.
I can see how people see hope as a message of positivity. Or, it at least be worth the try. Still, no, yes it may be positive/wanting a desirable outcome, but it's still not real, it's not practical. Something practical would be for instance, keeping a person company who could potentially die, and/or motivate them sort of thing, something positive would be to talk to them, or to feed them healthy foods and things, natural things that could assist with the illness.
But, if something is out of my hands, then it is just that - out of my hands. If I have no direct/real/practical control over something in any way, shape or form, then I simply CANNOT control it. Also, I can also relate to hope in this way: Whereas, if I hoped for something, such as, this is what I did too in the past, hoping that my favourite soccer team would win a match, or that they'd score, as I'd be glued to the screen watching this match. And within my mind, being like "PLEASE, PLEASE SCORE, PLEASE WIN, PLEASEEEEEEEE!" Like desperate hope. And THEN, IF it were to happen, this team scored/won, I'd then participate within and as EGO. You know "Well, would you look at that, my hoping paid off, if it wasn't for my hoping/positivity, then my favourite team would not have scored/won, they have me to thank!" So, and things like that, they create this HOPE that HOPE is real. But, that is pure coincidence. How the fuck can I within my mind, somehow affect a soccer match that is happening on the other side of the world? Impossible!
So, it's mandatory for us all to wake up. To see the bullshit that HOPE is. And that it leads to nothing REAL OR LEGITIMATE.
We can't hope for a better world. We have to be a part of creating a better world. It takes all of us/all of our voices. The more, the better. It's absolutely useless to rely on anyone/anything else for something good to come from the world. We all have a say in the present/future of the world. So, we must do something real. Something practical.
Not just hope and hope whilst strolling along carelessly within the same jolly life that we enjoy.
Saturday, 24 October 2015
If I didn't take a risk, then I wouldn't have been who I am right now. I took a risk by investigating Desteni and what it has to offer and what it means. I took a risk by undertaking the DIP Lite course. I didn't know what was ahead for me, when investigating Desteni, or doing the DIP Lite course. But, the risk paid off. Now, I'm a changed person in every way, shape or form - the person who I had no idea I could be, someone who is worthy of life, and the title of life, being life.
Stepping into the unknown can be scary at first. It's so tempting to just stick to the 'easy route' and the route that one knows well, and to never veer off that route, but within doing so, one doesn't experience/learn what else exists outside of this pre-determined route and self-created route. Expanding oneself is so damn cool! I can see within myself, that I can actually be whatever I want to be. I can have whatever job that I want. There is nothing in reality that is stopping me from doing what I want/being what I want - that is what I learnt through investigating Desteni/doing the DIP Lite course.
Investigating Desteni is to release the shackles that one does not even know they are in. But, even the faintest idea of 'something not being right' whether within oneself/something externally, that in itself is worth checking out. Nothing else out there is similar in any way, shape or form to what Desteni has to offer all. It provides the tools for ANY question that one has. It has the remedy for any shackle one believes themselves to be in.
So, take a risk, take a chance, take a shot - yes it's unknown territory, but if you never go to that territory, then you'll never know what opportunities exist for yourself to grow exponentially in every way, shape and form. Investigate Desteni, realise the potential that you can be, that we can all be, as life - it's never too late.
Friday, 23 October 2015
I've personally/specifically used this term "I know, I know." Yes, saying it TWICE for 'added' effect lol. Because, when I see in my life when I just 'don't want to hear it' or I 'don't want to deal with this right now' - whatever it is, I said "I know, I know." I can't recently remember any times where I've said "I know, I know." - but it's cool to see the reasons/dissect it myself, to see WHY I would even say these words. I can remember being told off by my parents for doing something 'bad' - and would hear a lecture about why I shouldn't do this and that, why I should instead do this and that, and it'd usually be an "I know, I know." - in this instance, I knew what I was doing was 'bad' and so "I know, I know." - "You don't have to tell me, I know what I did was incorrect to do, stop telling me." That as well.
But yeah, I see, not just with the parenting thing, but also in other contexts/scenarios, I could've learnt so much more/faster if I was to hear out what my parents, or what another was saying, instead of choosing to cut them off, in favour of not hearing something, either because I didn't want to hear it/couldn't be bothered, or, I believed I had 'heard this all before' and so it was 'pointless' to hear this person out any further. With the parenting moments, and being told what I should've done for instance and/or why I should not have done something, the "I know, I know." is clear in that I knew as I was doing this thing, that it was not the correct thing to do, yet I did it anyway, for one reason or another. So, it differs a bit depending on my starting point of saying "I know, I know." and what the context is.
Either way though, it's never cool and never was cool for me to use these words "I know, I know." - because I was always doing it within mind participation. And I never heard a person out FULLY, so that I could then come to a more suitable/stable reply.
Thursday, 22 October 2015
I've had this particular belief that if I can't eat whatever quantity I want of a particular food WITHOUT feeling adverse effects, then I'll not eat that food anymore. Or drink that liquid, whatever it is I consume. This comes about within eating mandarins for me. I am pretty sure it's the sugar content that gets to me. See, after eating about 5 of these at once, I started feeling bit light headed/dizzy. Too much sugar for my body to handle most likely. This is without knowledge from a doctor, of course. But the sugar content seems to be likely.
So, I was GOING TO not eat mandarins anymore, and basically, any other fruit which was quite 'sugary'. Then I came to my senses to see that this was not viable. Of course, it can be done, but I will lose many nutrients/vitamins if I am to remove almost all fruits from my diet/food intake. So, it really is an exaggeration to remove the majority, if not all fruits from my diet based on this belief. Because, I've also seen how eating one mandarin, or even a few mandarins per day, just SPACED OUT between mandarin-eating, this doesn't affect me at all.
SO here it's about taking every single thing individually. This goes for anything in life too. Because, I've also seen me failing to take things individually in other facets within my life. Everything is unique in itself. Like, a mandarin and a pineapple, one could make me feel ill, and the other not, as an example. Just because they are both fruits, doesn't mean they will be handled by my body in the exact same manner, just because they are under the classification/label of being 'fruits'. They of course have different properties, if only small ones, but any varying property can have a different affect on my body.
There are some things that I've seen my body can handle in small quantities, like, milk/ice cream. But anymore than a small quantity makes me ill. So, I can enjoy some milk, this is cow's milk mind you, and ice cream, but only some per day/at a time. So, moderation is key, moderation and taking every single thing for what it is, and being aware and/or doing my own research/investigation as to every thing's properties.
Tuesday, 20 October 2015
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to not make use of things that are HERE in this world/existence as they are NOW/CURRENTLY, for the reason of seeing them/these things as 'not useful' and/or would 'not exist' within an IDEAL world within my mind of each human being a Destonian with the care/dignity/respect of eachother and all.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to attempt to live within and as this ideal world within my mind, and also try to manifest this living within this ideal world, by stopping my use of things that I see would not exist in this ideal world.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that it's impossible to live within/make use of a world that is NOT yet HERE/REAL/EXISTENT, and so trying to/attempting to live within ANY 'ideal' world is impossible, and if I Try as I have, I see that it leads me to less enjoyment/opportunity/things, because in this CURRENT time/way of living/world/existence, I can ONLY work with what is here, but of course, I can STILL create awesome things, as can others through what we have here, so in PREPARATION for the existence of the ideal world that I want, of pure harmony/self-honesty of all, the respect/dignity of each and all, a world of life.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a 'bad person' for making use of things that I see 'are not necessarily cool' within this desire of an ideal world, but within this, failing to realise that minus these 'not necessarily cool' things, then I do not have use of a lot of things, and so within this, I lose enjoyment/experiences/growth - because I can only work with what existences now.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I can make use of a lot of things in our current existence/world WITHOUT 'additional' motives and/or from a starting point of 'fucking things up' for myself/another, and purely thus through enjoyment/experience/change/growth for what is HERE currently.
When and as I see myself desiring to NOT make use of something that exists here in the moment, because it doesn't 'add up' to what would/would not exist in an IDEAL world that I want to be in, yet DO NOT AS OF THIS MOMENT currently live in, I stop and breathe. I realise that yes, it's of course fine for others/myself to WORK towards this BETTER/BEST world for all within being a Destonian, but at the same time, others/I can only work with what currently exists. And so, it's about making use of what is here, for BENEFIT of all, and for WORKING TOWARDS what we all want, that is of course, a world that is best for all. So, I commit myself to investigate all that is here, so that I can then make an informed decision about whether it can assist all in some way, shape or form, so that I can enjoy/experience/learn/grow in the moment, but also at the same time, create and work towards creating a world that is best for all.
When and as I see myself attempting to live in an 'ideal' world that of course does NOT currently exist within its fullest, since it is still 'ideal' in the first place, I stop and breathe. I realise that I simply CANNOT live in something that as of yet does not exist. I realise that attempting to live in this ideal world within my mind does NOT benefit all, and so within doing so, within attempting to live within this ideal world in my mind, I may 'feel' like I'm doing the 'right' things/'good' things, but in doing so, I Sacrifice my own enjoyment/experiences/learning/growth and that of others, through failing to make use of what is here right now, and seeing it within my mind as 'not cool' and 'pointless' as I believe it would not exist in this ideal world/picture I have within my mind. So I commit myself to make practical use of what is here for the benefit of all. I commit myself to not sacrifice the enjoyment/experiences/learning/growth of myself/others for the 'sake' of desiring to and/or ALREADY living in this ideal world within my mind which as I've stated, of course is not yet a reality. I commit myself to ONLY work in REALITY and within a REAL situation.
I commit myself to accept what is currently here, for better or for worse.
Sunday, 18 October 2015
I've had these thoughts before, and still occasionally have them, whereas I only want to utilise what I see would exist/be available in an 'ideal' world. So, my definition of an 'ideal' world is one..basically full of Destonians! Destonians one and all lol. Yes, it'd be amazing, the ability of every single human to care for one another, to do what is best for all, always, to respect eachother, to respect all walks of life, animals, insects - a whole new money system would exist, through taking nothing less than care/respect for our fellow human. Yes, it is what I and all Destonians are working towards, we definitely are, yet the reality of this happening is a long way off.
So, within this 'only considering what would exist in an ideal world' thought, I've seen that well, a lot that we have here would not exist, things like the types of movies we have. Would we have violent movies, any at all? Probably not. Same for violent video games? Don't think so. Well, any violence for that matter, in any form, would it exist, doubt it. And so, I've had desires thus to for instance AVOID violence wherever possible, in movies, video games. Though, how many movies for instance, and video games actually, contain violence? I actually struggle to think of many video games/movies that do not contain some degree of violence.
Thing is though, if I AM to avoid things that I see/believe would NOT exist in an 'ideal' world, then I am left with very little, if anything. So, it's to remember that where I am now is what is important. I'm not in this 'ideal' world/society/way of life. It is still out of reaching distance by a large margin. We will get there in the end, but I have to work with what exists here. So in working with what exists here, again, working with the violence example, it's to watch it, but to not let it affect me in terms of desiring to 'inflict violence on another' or to get any type of 'rush' from the violence in particular. And I do not. Despite the violence in movies/video games, I don't get any rush from it, no energetic rush within my mind that I then manifest. It's simply here. It is what it is. Yet, what is reassuring is that other forms of movie-viewing are opening up, minus the violence/lessening the violence for instance. So, change IS happening, but it hasn't HAPPENED. It hasn't happened on a global scale, each and all changed. Not even myself, I'm in a process of change of course, I've changed lots, myself, but I haven't reached my total/complete goal as of yet.
More to come.
Saturday, 17 October 2015
With medical check ups and things, I've seen that my fear of having these medical check ups has to do with the outcome. And the outcome of potentially being sick/unhealthy, which is something I do fear. Within my process with Desteni, it's really cool, because I'm really so much more aware of everything, and that goes for my physical body too. I can really see what foods/liquids are 'okay' for my body, and which are not. I am aware if I am in the sun for too long lol. That sounds like a 'normal' one, but I am more aware in that regard too, usually I'd not be as aware and get burnt all the time, not these days.
So here, at this very moment, no matter what I'm currently eating/drinking etc, my way of life, I feel fine. So this in itself, I see no reality to the potential situation of being sick/unhealthy. I mean of course if there were SIGNS of this, such as I don't know, weakness, tiredness at a constant, pains that keep coming up, heart problems, then it's best to get that checked out, because of course there's a high possibility that I am sick/unhealthy in some way.
THOUGH, despite this, there can still be scenarios where I want things tested, like blood pressure, allergies. SO, the reason for me getting medical attention is obviously not always from the starting point of a SIGN of something 'bad' within and as my physical body - it can be for checks/results to possibly improve my health in small ways.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that I could be sick/unhealthy.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to when being in the position/scenario of getting checked up and/or having medical tests done to myself, automatically go into a fear within my mind of what the outcome will be, and going into a fear that the outcome will be NEGATIVE and that I will be sick/unhealthy.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT come to terms with the reality of a situation whereas I actually DO see a problem with my physical body, get a check up, and still desire for there to be NOTHING wrong with my physical body, which is obviously unreasonable considering that I have an issue in the first place, these very tests are to find why/what is wrong to help me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to be 100% fit/healthy at all times, and not wanting to hear anything to the contrary.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that during a test, no matter the reason for it, it IS what it IS, the outcome is what it IS, so unless during the test a 'mistake' happened for whatever reason, the outcome is final, and there is NO running 'away' from fact/reality - so I commit myself to accept the fact/reality of a situation whereas okay, there IS something wrong with me, and so it's vital that I do something about it to prevent it happening again/to improve my quality of life, because in the end, that is of course WHAT I WANT, even if it means ACCEPTING the fact that I am sick/unhealthy in the first place - it's best to act sooner rather than later.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to live in a state of denial when it comes to my health and wanting to be super fit/healthy as to avoid even having any medical tests done to me/let alone seeing the outcome of a medical test.
Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is TOTALLY at my discretion as to whether I actually want to be checked up or not, and so also as to how my quality of life is/is not, so it's for me to first accept that there may be something wrong with me, because as I said, I want a potent life/high quality of life.
When and as I see myself feeling that 'something is not right' within my physical body and that it is recurring and/or simply something that I see needs attention in the form of medical assistance, yet I desire to AVOID IT, because I fear getting tested/the outcome of a test, I stop and breathe. I realise that the reality of a situation whereas 'something is not right' and/or I feel unwell/sick etc, it means something is UP, and it means that I require something to improve/fix myself for the quality of my life/my own physical body. I realise that I am not 100% fit/healthy. I realise that problems are rampant for all/the majority in terms of health issues/sicknesses, and it's no different for myself. So, I commit myself to accept that there is something wrong with me in terms of health/sickness, and I commit myself to get the attention that I require, whether that is medical testing or not, because it's of course vital for me to get a conclusion as to WHAT is wrong with me, because then I can get it FIXED and enjoy a healthier life which is something I want/need to be here on Earth.
When and as I in the moment of having a medical test done to me, and desiring to go into FEAR based on what the OUTCOME of the test will be, I stop and breathe. I realise that I must remain calm/stable in these situations, as any situation, because the outcome of a medical test is final in itself, and to want to run from it/seeing the outcome is to live in DENIAL of the issues that I am facing within and as my physical body, which only goes to lessen my quality of life here. So I commit myself to breathe in the situation of getting medical testing/attention, and to realise that the outcome is what I am there for, to see what/if I need anything to improve my health/to fix myself. I commit myself to put my physical body at the forefront of myself as life here, because without my physical body, I am literally dead.
Friday, 16 October 2015
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that control/stability within and as oneself comes at the cost of EXPRESSION and my 'ability' to express.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that within and as control/stability, I AM in fact ABLE to express MORE, as I am here physically within and as myself, and so within this, my expressions are actually real/vivid, as opposed to expressions that are based on thoughts/emotions/feelings within my mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I want to be in control/stable, that I must give up any form of expression that I can do/give/express.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't operate 'normally' and within and as expression, unless I am directed by energy within my mind that I choose to harness.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that harnessing/using energy within my mind is the only way that I can express myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that within control/stability within and as myself, I am able to express first of all, without energy participation within my mind, and also without energetic/mind participation in the form of fears of what I 'think' of my own forms of expression, and so within these statements, I can actually express fully/physically as I am here, and so without fear of my expressions looking a certain way.
When and as I see myself in a usual moment of control/stability within and as myself as what is best for all, yet I WANT to express something/myself in some way, shape or form, yet am fearful that any form of expression that I portray as myself means that I am NOT in control of myself/stable within myself, I stop and breathe. I realise that control/stability simply means to be absolutely HERE within and as my physical body, and so without participation within and as feelings/emotions/thoughts within my mind. I realise that control/stability is to NOT be directed by energy within my mind within feelings/emotions/thoughts. I realise that expression that comes from control/stability is one of what is best for all, and so within this, there's no need to 'stop' myself from expressing this expression that I Want to express, because this expression comes from a starting point of what is best for all - of something like joy, of enjoying/embracing a moment, of laughter - which all do NOT require feelings/emotions/thoughts for the expression to actually HAPPEN.
So, I commit myself to obviously check within and as myself and within self-honesty on whether my starting point of expression is of control/stability and so what is best for all, and then to simply express it as an extension of myself here in the moment.
I commit myself to express myself as a controlled/stable human being who is physically here in every way, shape and form. I commit myself to express as what is best for all.
I commit myself to embrace my physical expression. I commit myself to enjoy life through this embrace of my physical expression.
Thursday, 15 October 2015
I have this belief that I can't express when in a state of control/comfort/stability, which is what I am (want to be) at all times. So, I've witnessed myself in situations whereas yes, I see that I'm in control of myself/the situation, and I'm stable, BUT, within this control/stability, I am sticking to this 'formula' of what I see stability/control to be. Okay, so now I see. So, I have this belief that stability/control = rigidness and LACK of expression. I have this believe also that stability/control = being in a state of conformity to a certain way/behaviour.
Expanding here also, I believe that stability/control = a lack of expression, because I HAVE for my whole life, seen expression as emotions, as feelings, as thoughts - without participation in these, I see for myself this belief of again, rigidness/lack of expression.
Okay, so to summarise points thus far.
1. Belief that Stability/control = not using emotions/feelings = being rigid/not able to express, because I believe that emotions/feelings are NECESSARY to express in every way, shape and form.
More to come.
Tuesday, 13 October 2015
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to assist another with the starting point of 'getting something in return' from that person that I assist.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of getting something in return from another for assisting them in any way, shape or form.
I commit myself to assist another in every way, shape and form/any way, shape or form with the sole purpose of doing just that, assisting/supporting/helping another, no matter if they ask for the assistance in the first place, or I take the initiative to help them, because that is what life is about, assisting/supporting one another for FREE, and so without strings attached/without bullshit conditions within desire/preprogramming/self-created rules and regulations.
When and as I see myself wanting to and/or accepting to assist/support/help another in any way, shape or form with ANY starting point other than ASSISTING/SUPPORTING/HELPING another, I stop and breathe. I realise that assistance/support/help is free, and it doesn't come with rules/regulations and so on, unless I participate within my mind and so what I've come to expect within assisting another within life/in the past.
I commit myself to be an example of pure/free assistance/support/help and so without conditions/rules/regulations in return/for return.
Monday, 12 October 2015
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify 'annoyance' at another for what I interpreted as an 'interruption' on account of things didn't 'go to plan' within my mind, and the plans within my mind 'hit a ditch' so to speak, and so within this ditch, I saw this as an interruption which I then used as a justification within my mind to behave/react within and as 'annoyance' towards another.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that it's POSSIBLE in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM for another to SOMEHOW KNOW what I'm doing at ANY precise moment in time.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is MY responsibility to TELL another for them to have ANY clue/idea about what I am doing/going to do.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to 'plan' things/what's going to happen within my mind, and within this 'planning' and the end of planning, see how my plan is going to happen within my mind, and so participate within a positive feeling of happiness on account of how my plan is going to work, only to BLAME whoever/whatever was 'responsible' for stopping my plans from going as smoothly as I Saw them going within my mind - and of course within this, just using whoever/whatever as a 'scapegoat' when in reality, it's of course my OWN responsibility to do whatever it is that I have to do for my 'plan' - my planned reality to actually succeed.
SO, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to plan ONLY within my mind, out of and for what I 'want' to happen, not what is/will PRACTICALLY happen. SO, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not plan PRACTICALLY/REALISTICALLY for what will/can happen. I commit myself to plan practically/realistically, as opposed to planning within desires/imaginations within my mind which contain NO practical/real purpose/planning/DOING, only IDEAS about this 'successful' plan that I desire to happen within my mind.
When and as I see myself in the process of PLANNING something, and basically doing a half-assed planning job ONLY within my MIND and so not CONSIDERING the PRACTICAL/REAL things that I have to do for this plan to SUCCEED in REALITY, I stop and breathe. I realise that planning within my MIND only/solely is MORE THAN BOUND to FAIL. And I of course within this, realise that it's SOLELY/ONLY MY responsibility as to whether this plan succeeds/fails, because it is TOTALLY dependent on my considerations within REALITY or my LACK OF considerations within planning just in my mind.
So, I commit myself to ALWAYS plan for the REAL, the reality, the actual, the physical, the substance, and NOT for the desire, the imagination within my MIND.
I commit myself to thus take ALL things into consideration, because through this and within this, I can know that I am HERE, I am doing things on a practical/real/physical level, because otherwise I'd NOT be considering anything at all, I'd ONLY be seeing/wanting/desiring my plan to 'work' without doing anything else, and so without considering anything - which i see now is bound to fail, without considering for what is HERE.
Saturday, 10 October 2015
The other day someone called me whilst I was sleeping, I was having a nap actually. So, it wasn't in the middle of the night/morning or whatever, and not at what anyone would say is an 'unreasonable' time to contact another. It was at about 3 pm. So already, there's no reason for me to not expect calls/messages etc. Nonetheless, I heard the phone calling, woke up, and answered - and I was participating within this annoyance at this person for 'interrupting' my nap. I mean, I didn't specifically say to this person "Hey, you woke me up!" Or anything like that, but I felt it within myself/within my voice that there was this 'annoyance' surrounds to what I said.
This exact same situation as happened a few times in the past, and I've reacted the exact same way. THIS particular time, I handled it 'better' than others and wasn't AS annoyed lol, but annoyed nonetheless. Anyway. So, I woke up in 'unnatural' circumstances. That was the first thing. The other thing was the REASON for the call. I personally saw the reason for the call as...'pointless' basically. I won't go into detail, but it wasn't an emergency at all. At the same time, this person didn't see this call as a 'necessary' call either.
But, that in itself is unreasonable. People call/contact eachother NOT ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES. I mean, what. People just like to talk/catch up and whatever else. So, I saw that in this napping scenario, I'd ONLY see it as 'reasonable' if this person was calling me in case of EMERGENCY. But, that again is unreasonable, considering the time of day, and the whys as to people calling others and so on.
Really, I was only 'annoyed' because of the unnatural method that I got woken up in - that is all. It's my OWN responsibility to do something about it. That can be, putting my phone on silent, telling the person to call me back later and/or I can call them back later, etc. I mean of course how in the world is ANYONE meant to know that I'm having a nap? Unless I were to update my Facebook status...still, that doesn't mean all will see it :P
More to come.
Friday, 9 October 2015
Here, I'm not suggesting that sport is a 'big deal' or a 'necessity'. I mean, yes sport can be fun/enjoyable and so on, but it doesn't add anything to benefit ourselves as a whole. But, of course, like other ventures, sport is played for money and glory. Those are the big ones. And I see it as the same for other ventures too. To be the head honcho in some big business, or any business. One gets the title of MANAGER or SENIOR HEAD OF (insert title here) or whatever it may be. Same thing, glory and money.
What I wanted to speak about was particularly in something that Lance Armstrong said in an interview with Oprah Winfrey. This is when he came out about his drug cheating and so on. Anyway, something he said and also a justification that he used, was that he didn't consider the drug taking as cheating, he considered it as a means of levelling the playing field. Levelling the playing field, as he felt that everyone else in the sport was using drugs, so to remain competitive, he had no choice - this is what he said. Whether this was/is true or not, it also goes to show that if one is pursuing corruptive ways, then another is basically FORCED to do the same, IF they want to remain on a level playing field.
The same goes for other ventures. Not just sport. If another business/boss is not playing 'by the rules' so to speak, and they are using shifty ways etc, bribing people, whatever it is, to get the most revenue and such, then what can another/another business/boss possibly do in that situation, I mean, to stay afloat, they have no other option than to do the same, right? And so, in our system, they are forced into a means of corruption themselves. And it's a chain event, one corrupts, all corrupts. And although not always visible at first glance, corruption exists everywhere.
And so, it's up to each of us to take self-responsibility for the corruption that exists within and as ourselves, and that in itself will stop another from 'doing the same' in hopes of equalling our corruptive ways. But also, of course, our whole money system also has to change. That is where a Living Income Guaranteed comes in. It's a necessity to investigate both Desteni and a Living Income Guaranteed.
And corruption only brings out the WORST in each of us. It must be stopped, in all forms and in all ventures, but it takes each and every one of us to take self-responsibility and do something about it. We each have a say in our present and in our future, and those of everyone's present/future - make the change now.
Living Income Guaranteed
Lance Armstrong article
Thursday, 8 October 2015
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe it's unacceptable to speak in any situation/conversation without prior conversation being directed at me first.
When and as I see myself believing it to be true/fact/reality that I must wait until someone directs something at me BEFORE speaking/answering/saying/conversing, I stop and breathe. I realise that conversation is a free for all in all regards, it's not a turn based game whereas there are rules and regulations that must be adhered to for 'proper' conversation to happen/work. So, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to attach all of these rules within beliefs to conversation/the very act of conversation and within these rules/beliefs, fail to enjoy/BE here in conversation/enjoyment with others, and so, suppress who I am/myself for the sake of abiding to self-created beliefs I have about conversation having these rules/regulations that must be adhered to ALWAYS.
I commit myself to speak with no restrictions when speaking to anyone/whoever/wherever/however many there are, and whilst doing this, I will see, realise and understand the level of freedom that exists within conversation/the ability to speak without rules/regulations within belief that I've had surrounding conversation/aspects of conversation. So, I commit myself to always allow myself the opportunity of full freedom conversation, with no limits - unlimited potential to explore/learn and to BE.
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
2 people are talking to eachother about a topic, I see an opportunity to interject, am I 'allowed' to? That sounded like a beginning of a joke, but it wasn't - really. I have this belief that it isn't my 'right' and/or I'm not 'allowed' to ahem, 'interfere' if others are talking to eachother, which is PREPOSTEROUS. How did/do any conversations begin? 1 person brings up a topic, THEN WHAT? Obviously, another has to INTERJECT and/or 'interfere' as I've believed it to be, an interference, when it's not that, it's merely CONVERSATION. That is how conversation works. And, the more the merrier as far as I'm aware. People putting in their 2 cents so to speak/adding their own contribution. It's all well in the world of conversation.
Come on though, this is just silly, this belief in itself, and all beliefs for that matter. No topic is off limits from me NOT INTERFERING, from me...contributing. That is the word, contributing. People contribute for conversation to happen, they do NOT interfere. Okay - interference. This is a good thing to talk about for me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that adding my own CONTRIBUTION to another conversation no matter the amount of people is INTERFERENCE, and within this belief that contribution = interference and/or they're the same thing/mean the same thing, never and/or rarely and sometimes have a resistance toward adding/contribution to a conversation, through believing it to be off-limits.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realise and understand that the ONLY way 2 people can converse in any way, shape or form, is through 1 person contributing towards what ANOTHER said in the FIRST place. And so clearly, without contribution, conversation wouldn't exist, and we'd all be talking, and just...talking to ourselves....which is.............not fruitful.
Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be HERE/THERE at the 'start' of a conversation/conversation of topic, to be able to CONTRIBUTE - when in reality, I can of course contribute to any conversation at any stage, nothing is stopping me apart from myself seeing contribution = interference and them as interchangeable words/meanings/definitions.
So, when and as I see others talking to eachother, and I clearly missed the start of the conversation/topic, yet I want to/have something to contribute, BUT, participate within and as a resistance towards contributing, because I see any contribution I make as INTERFERENCE/HIJACKING, I stop and breathe. I realise that it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to hear out the START of every single happening/conversation that goes on, and I realise within this, that if that were to be the case, then I'd have almost NO opportunities to contribute within conversation, which is dull. So, I commit myself to breathe through the resistance of contribution/believing contribution to be the same as interference/hijacking, as to enjoy the moment with myself/others, and to add to conversation, again, for myself/others/for all.
When and as I see myself believing that any conversation between any number of people is 'off limits' - I stop and breathe. I also realise that this goes hand in hand with what I've done in the past/and so made a belief, in that...I'd wait for another to talk to me/question me, before actually saying anything - and to rely on this in reality, is really not fruitful/enjoyable at all.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to WAIT until another directs anything at me before actually CONTRIBUTING.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no 'right' to speak until someone directs me to.
More to come.
Monday, 5 October 2015
The other day I was on the train, and someone asked me whether we had gone past a certain station or not as of yet. I answered, and after answering and assisting this individual, I felt this feeling of superiority within and as myself. I was glad to had assisted another, but I let this 'get to my head' and well, allowed my ego to dictate. Also, before this instance of assistance, I was comfortable/stable whilst waiting for the train to reach its destination, but as soon as this instance occurred, I felt like I had to 'act' a certain way, act in a 'superior' sort of way, and I showed this somewhat through kind of making my posture more upright, rather than 'sluggish'.
It was not cool, and I was clearly being directed by energy here within superiority/posture change to upright.
So, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow the assistance of another to 'get to my head' and then want to 'show' this superiority feeling of energy within and as myself, through moving my body into an upright posture/position as I have connected superiority with being upright and 'bigger' than others and I saw this being 'bigger' than others being possible through having an upright position/posture, rather than being perhaps 'sluggish' and 'uninterested'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not assist another and LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify superiority/the feeling of superiority within and as myself, through being able to assist another and ONLY ME being able to assist another, when in reality, I was ONLY asked for assistance, because I was the CLOSEST in proximity/within speaking distance of the individual who wanted assistance.
So within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to BEND the truth/reality within my mind of being simply in close proximity of the individual asking for advice, and bending this truth within mind/mental gymnastics to 'form' this justification that I was asked, because I am 'holy' and/or 'superior' to others/anyone else, and within this, giving myself 'extra points' for giving the correct answer, so even moreso, going further into justifications within my mind to 'act' superior through upright positioning/posture - which all in all is BEYOND separation.
Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look 'too much into' things in any way, shape or form, whereas I constantly bend the TRUTH/REALITY of a situation/anything to/for MY OWN LIKING and/or what I'd LIKE the situation TO MEAN, and of course within this, ignoring/failing to see the reality/truth of the situation/what is at hand.
When and as I see myself believing it to be justified to 'act' superior/within and as ego for assisting another and/or being chosen for assistance, I stop and breathe. I realise that giving assistance is simply what is best for all in any given situation, and I realise that assisting another is NEVER a reason/justification to act in ANY different mannerism/behaviour in any way, shape or form. So, I commit myself to upon assisting another, and if feeling a 'justification' of superiority coming on of assisting another and/or being asked to assist another, to stop, breathe - and to quit playing the mental/mind gymnastics that I've participated within and as/played my whole life to make situations 'to my liking' within my OWN mind - and so as to be able to see the situation/moment STRICTLY for what it is within simplicity, within physicality, here - and that is only assisting another, as I would like to be assisted in return, giving what I'd like to receive/how I'd like to receive - this is what is missing from us as life.
When and as I see myself desiring to alter my body/position/posture to a more 'upright' stance/posture/way as to act on this energetic reaction of superiority, I stop and breathe. I realise that ANY signs/desires of wanting to do this are an immediate flag situation that I am being dictated/directed by something external of me - in this case, a superiority/ego energy within my mind. So, I commit myself to stop in the moment of a desire to change posture to 'suit' this superiority energy within myself, because I see, realise and understand that if I go forth at all with the change of posture/behaviour within superiority, I've given control to my mind, to superiority, to ego - and I must stop this at ALL times from happening, otherwise I am not/never physically HERE. Also, I commit myself to remind myself the reason for giving out assistance to another, and it's the simple reason of assisting another as what is best for all as what I'd like to receive, as they do - giving what I'd like to get back - with no STRINGS attached in any form of the word.
Sunday, 4 October 2015
I've been looking at this desire at times to impress. Recently, I saw this want to impress, to attempt to 'heighten' attraction from another woman, towards myself. But, another example that I've seen/I'm sure others have, is wanting to impress during a job interview/a job trial/once starting a job. But, it can exist in a lot of matters. But, no matter what the matter is, this want to impress ALWAYS comes with PRESSURE. As soon as I believe in and then participate within and as this desire to impress, the pressure comes with it. There is no impressing without pressure for me. They just go hand in hand.
'Natural' and physical impressing, would be impressing without needing to 'change zone' so to speak. I shouldn't have to enter the 'impressing zone' to then show this 'ability' to another, or show that I'm good at something to another. The average person relies on this impressing ability to prove something towards another/and even for themselves. It can also be to heighten/boost an idea they have of themselves within their minds. Then believing that they must manifest this idea through impressing physically. But yes, even then, the pressure entails.
What about total calmness in every situation? Calmness, stability - they lead to doing anything well. If one is relaxed, calm, stable, HERE - then what else must be done? Those are the key ingredients to then present self as the best version of self that self can be - simple. Nothing more is needed. No need to impress to show/prove to another an idea of self. No idea should exist.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to impress, and within this desire to impress, automatically within and as the desire to impress, participate within and as pressure to reach these levels that I see are appropriate to impress.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow an idea of myself/something to lead me to this desire to impress.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that without an idea of self/something and how I relate to it, then no desire/need to impress to prove myself/something will exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see this pressure that comes with impressing as 'normal' and 'just how it is'.
So, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to succumb my physical body to this pressure, and within doing so, damage my physical body though stress, pain and other consequences.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fail to be totally at peace within and as myself, here in my physical body.
When and as I see myself desiring to impress, I stop and breathe. I realise that within this desire to impress, exists an idea that I am trying to 'meet' through showing these 'impressive' abilities of mine. And so, when I allowed myself to participate within and as this 'impressing' pattern, I was merely trying to make this idea REAL for myself/another, but in doing so, fail to take into account the pressure that COMES WITH impressing - and so also allowing my physical body to come under severe consequences at the MERE cost of proving an idea that I had of myself/something - and so of course here, putting my physical body down the list of my cares, which is a massive mistake to make, because my physical body is absolutely necessary for my very existence here.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand WHERE and WHAT these ideas I have of myself actually ARE, so that I can dissect them/remove them BEFORE they dictate what I do through wanting to impress physically.
I commit myself to be weary/very aware of the red flag moments when I see a desire to impress, so that I can stop, breathe, and also CHECK what it is I am trying to prove to myself/another.
I commit myself to see that impressing always comes packaged with pressure - and so it is clearly never 'ideal' whatsoever to want to impress/impress at all.