Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Day 263 - Too hard on myself within missteps within my process

Not as often lately, but certainly earlier in my process, I've made a few missteps. For instance, I'd write about something, yet I'd still physically not 'obey' my writings. Over time I learnt to deal with most things that I wrote within my physical self, but within my personal process, it's taken me one or two missteps during some points which I've had to learn from to finally change within my physical self on certain points. It just depends on the point at hand. Some points that I've written about have been easy to dissect/write about and therefore change practically/within my physical self - whereas others are more difficult, they perhaps require more through writing, they require more concentration to walk through practically.

Yesterday I had one of these missteps. A point I was trying to get past, yet it 'came back' to me. And I gave into it and felt like shit. I didn't feel like myself. I've noticed that - like, lately, it's quite easy to know when my mind is walking myself, or I AM walking myself - physically. It's cool to know that, because then I know for sure whether I must stop and breathe to bring myself out of my mind - or if I don't necessarily need to stop and breathe, and can therefore continue on with my day.

But back on yesterday, I was struggling with a point. And I've noticed that a chain-reaction happens on certain points. Usually it's like..well this point in particular, I reacted with depression/sadness. And because of that reaction, I manifest other points that I thought I was 'past' because of the one point in which I accepted and allowed to overcome myself.

So it's like one point turns to two points, turns to three points and so on. That's why it's important for me to STOP when that one/original points comes up within myself - and I practically walk out of it. Otherwise, it'll lead to a multitude of other points that I SHOULD have gotten over/not participated in already.

But anyway, because of this chain-reaction, I was frustrated with myself. Because it's like "Fucking Hell, I've written about these points, yet I'm still manifesting them within my physical body." And I feel like, I've come all this way within my process and within my writings, and I've made several missteps. It sucks. But it's of course all down to myself - it's all down to how I react/don't react, how I deal with it, my participation/lack of participation within my mind - the staying of within my physical body - it's all down to me.

But sometimes I feel like.."daaaaaamn, maybe I should restart my process all over again." But I know that I don't actually have to do that. Just because of a misstep, I don't see it as necessary to for instance undertake the DIP Lite course again, or go back to 'Day 1' within my writings. I'm sure that each Destonian has slight missteps or large missteps during the course of their process. It's not like it's impossible to make missteps/mistakes during writings - they still happen. It's a process, it's NOT an easy process. It takes time, effort, and focus.

I don't know what I exactly I thought I was getting into when I first 'got into' Desteni. I thought it sounded really cool, so I checked it out. It IS cool. But did I think to myself whether it was going to be easy or hard? No, I didn't. All I knew was that it sounded legitimate and cool. And yes, within it all, I've SEEN practical and physical change. It's not like I've gone this far without noticing a single change within myself/how I act towards myself/others. There are massive changes/multiple changes - but I've BARELY started my process. I used to always be like..wanting to finish things asap. Like, if I had my way, I'd want to finish my Desteni process within a few weeks, lol.

But..I understand that it's a 7 year process, a 7 year long journey. I'm only Day 263 in. But the day doesn't matter, it's about the effort and the specificity that I put into each writing. I can't just write a sentence each day and be like "Wooooooo, success!" it doesn't work like that. It requires genuine practical effort - otherwise one gets absolutely nowhere.

Self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come..

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